A flurry of phone calls, a dozen emails back and forth, a few trips up the road, and one surprisingly smooth meeting and I am on the road again.
The memory of what feels like a thousand conversations presses against my temple as I pull out of the parking lot, not for the last time. But it feels like it.
I don’t know how many times I thought tonight that maybe I was making the wrong choice. Taking too much of a risk. Leaving too much behind. Maybe I should stay.
But I knew this decision was never going to be easy. The right answer was never going to just fall in my lap. There might not even be a right answer.
As I get in my car, I can’t help but question if I’m going the direction I need to be. But I also know that if I don’t take this chance, I will always wonder what if I had.
I fold my uniform, stash my pistol, and tug my hair out of its ever-present bun. As I slide into the car with my chaos of thoughts, my phone beeps with a text message.
Can’t wait to see you.
I smile as I tuck the phone in my console and drive out of the station. It’s almost 3 a.m. and the roads are empty. My bones ache and my eyes burn from a long shift but I know I will drive straight through to get to you tonight.
And I’m realizing that no matter what happens, what changes, what risks I take, you are always the one thing I want to drive to at the end of it all.
Amidst the chaos of these new changes, there is immeasurable comfort in that.