at the end of the night

A flurry of phone calls, a dozen emails back and forth, a few trips up the road, and one surprisingly smooth meeting and I am on the road again.

The memory of what feels like a thousand conversations presses against my temple as I pull out of the parking lot, not for the last time. But it feels like it.

I don’t know how many times I thought tonight that maybe I was making the wrong choice. Taking too much of a risk. Leaving too much behind. Maybe I should stay.

But I knew this decision was never going to be easy. The right answer was never going to just fall in my lap. There might not even be a right answer.

As I get in my car, I can’t help but question if I’m going the direction I need to be. But I also know that if I don’t take this chance, I will always wonder what if I had.

I fold my uniform, stash my pistol, and tug my hair out of its ever-present bun. As I slide into the car with my chaos of thoughts, my phone beeps with a text message.

Can’t wait to see you.

I smile as I tuck the phone in my console and drive out of the station. It’s almost 3 a.m. and the roads are empty. My bones ache and my eyes burn from a long shift but I know I will drive straight through to get to you tonight.

And I’m realizing that no matter what happens, what changes, what risks I take, you are always the one thing I want to drive to at the end of it all.

Amidst the chaos of these new changes, there is immeasurable comfort in that.

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About maebe11

My biggest goal is to find a life that leaves me breathless. If I must be broken, I want it to because I gave too much instead of not enough. My greatest fear is a cage that I make for myself. I want to find a way to be both a goodhearted woman & a warrior. It's all a journey. And this is the proof.
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