at the end of the night

A flurry of phone calls, a dozen emails back and forth, a few trips up the road, and one surprisingly smooth meeting and I am on the road again.

The memory of what feels like a thousand conversations presses against my temple as I pull out of the parking lot, not for the last time. But it feels like it.

I don’t know how many times I thought tonight that maybe I was making the wrong choice. Taking too much of a risk. Leaving too much behind. Maybe I should stay.

But I knew this decision was never going to be easy. The right answer was never going to just fall in my lap. There might not even be a right answer.

As I get in my car, I can’t help but question if I’m going the direction I need to be. But I also know that if I don’t take this chance, I will always wonder what if I had.

I fold my uniform, stash my pistol, and tug my hair out of its ever-present bun. As I slide into the car with my chaos of thoughts, my phone beeps with a text message.

Can’t wait to see you.

I smile as I tuck the phone in my console and drive out of the station. It’s almost 3 a.m. and the roads are empty. My bones ache and my eyes burn from a long shift but I know I will drive straight through to get to you tonight.

And I’m realizing that no matter what happens, what changes, what risks I take, you are always the one thing I want to drive to at the end of it all.

Amidst the chaos of these new changes, there is immeasurable comfort in that.


About maebe11

My biggest goal is to find a life that leaves me breathless. If I must be broken, I want it to because I gave too much instead of not enough. My greatest fear is a cage that I make for myself. I want to find a way to be both a goodhearted woman & a warrior. It's all a journey. And this is the proof.
This entry was posted in battle buddies and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s